Baby Zoo Picture Post

 

 

 

 

 

Feeding the Zebra at the Santa Barbara ZOO

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Baba!!! Water otter

Sunrise Parrot Ring Tailed Lemurs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GATOR!!!

 

 

 

Lion….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amelia and the Penguins

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

non cable

Non cable tV leaves little to be desired. It seems like they’ve shown the same simpson’s episode at least 5 times with in the last two weeks. I don’t know what is worse, the fact that they are repeating or that I watched them.

Must go rent more movies….

“The little things hurt the most I think. You say you love, but your actions scream otherwise.” Tamaya London

I’m reading a new book tonight and it’s taking me forever to get into it.. It’s some random chicklit called “The Accidental Vampire.” garblah.

Monday and still no word about the job… I think I’ll call tomorrow…

I talked to my Mom tonight… I feel so much better about things and then i checked out the net. not a good idea, so I’m a little bummed again.

Did you know that bam margera got married last year? Who’d a thunk it.

Matt and Preita with the lucky baby at the Tall Ships event in Ventura. These two really enjoy spending time with the bean. (Which is good, cause it takes a village right?)

Picture Post: Ventura Fair

Picture Pages, picture pages, time to get your paper and your pencil…

So one of the first things Amelia and i did in Ventura was to go to the Ventura State Fair with my brother and sister-in law. We had the best time!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amelia looking at the animals!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

First Ice Cream Cone

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Amelia and her Uncle Matt

Breaking Personal Records

As of 2:35pm Sunday I had 67 views of my last blog entry. That’s right 67!! Something simply and understated yet crass like the phrase Holly Crap is needed…

Holly Crap.

Who knew that by using a certain actor’s name would cause a cavalcade of views…. I followed some of the links and I’m now known as the marriage blog. Go me?

 

Good news: Found day/night care for Amelia out here so that Erich and I can do a month to month deal until things get sold and transferred etc. Which I think will be good, this way we’ll both get Amelia time and she’ll get both of us. Plus it’s just for a litte while until we get things wrapped up. I guess that is the way of things in this economic climate.

In other news, I think I am in a defacto political war with one of Erich’s friends. You all know Ryan. Well I posted a myspace blog and then he posted some liberal rhetoric back. ~it’s a given that the following rant is very subjective and completely done in a satiricle manner~

Evidently I shouldn’t worry about paying my mortgage OR feeding my child, it’s too republican of me. Instead I should just say what the hell and let it all go into forclosure, let Amelia starve, and run down to the south to help people who won’t move out of a hurricane’s way. (don’t get me wrong, I feel for people who are victims of a natural disaster, but if you don’t leave when they warn you the second time around then you are taking your chances on your own.) I’m wrapped up in my own silly little life trying to get the bills paid, no one’s sending me an aide package. No red cross aide when our home was flooded. but that is all semantics

So I replied that it’s too bad that you can’t eat politics for dinner. (Dude’s going to hate me lol!)

Not that I care. I find it hard to take anyone seriously who doesn’t act on what they preach. I mean honestly, like it is so hard to live in up a college town in a studio apartment doing drugs on your off time. I don’t see him packing a bag and running down south to help. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever heard of him volunteering for those liberal ideals he holds so dearly. It’s far easier to point a finger and say you all are bad and aren’t helping people, because that way they won’t look back and think the same of you.

But then again, that’s me on my soap box. Admittedly I haven’t done anything much for others these days except for giving all of Amelia too small things and unused toys to others.

It’s Hard to Pull a Curtsy in Pants

Keanu Reeves might be married. I don’t know why this is any of my business but here I am blogging about it anyway. I guess somewhere deep in my mind I figured if my marriage failed, there was always Keanu Reeves. I suppose I need to find a new imaginary interest now, as I have a stiff rule about lusting after married people. Maybe Edward Norton, although I actually know his Dad and it would be odd to end up with someone whose father refers to them as Eddie.

Last night I watched “Becoming Jane” and though it took me a little while to get into it, (the script is a bit verbose but that is suppose to reflect the actual language of the the times, right?). Anyway, by the end I shed my little tear that inevitably comes out when I am strongly moved by something. It was a good and bittersweet ending.

 

Soooo… Erich and I had a major, read major discussion yesterday that almost ended the marriage. (everyone either gasps at this point or rolls their eyes and thinks, again?) He admitted he’s just given up on the whole marriage and trying to do anything because (get this) because he thinks I would be better off without him. I asked for his wedding ring back at that point. (Honestly, I was expecting at least a little fight, but he handed it right over. Which made me mad. Why the hell am I trying if he’s already written this off) So I took the ring back and told him when he decided that he wanted it back, that he wanted us, that he could ask for it back. Alright, so to tell you the truth I am floundering here. I scared that what I do or say is going to be wrong and I’m not sure how to proceed. So have the time I just go with my gut and my gut said fine, you’ve given up on our marriage, give back the ring. It wasn’t to be petty or done lightly or to prove anything. I was crying the whole time, great heaving sobs. I did it because it seemed the right thing to do. There is no rule book for this, no how to that I can page through, no what not to do.

So after a 20 min of sitting there, he said he wanted it back. More conversation that I won’t torture you with. In the end, I hope, he’s seemed to snap out of his little I’m just a worm that doesn’t deserve to be happy fit.

Which brings me to my next thought. When is enough, enough? I draw my line I stand firm and them something happens or he says something and it never really gets better. But the promise is there and I can’t bring myself to give up yet. I can’t walk away from another thing, give up again. Because I am a champion at running away people, moving on and starting over. It’s so easy to say, “this is it, no more, I am done.” But when it comes to it and you see that face, the one you promised to stay with In Sickness and Health, Good times and Bad, and it asks for help, it’s hard to not to stand by that line you’ve drawn.

In the end what are we left with? 20 Lines, all drawn deeper and deeper leading you farther and farther away from that person you originally married. Then one day you wake up and you are married to a complete stranger, even your own reflection is mockery of what you used to be. And still it’s hard, it’s hard to call it quits. I tried yesterday, I was so close, I had his ring in my hand and I was going to end it, and then those great big puppy eyes turn to me and I see a ghost of the man I love, pleading, asking to stay just a little while longer.

And so I give it a little while longer.

 

In other news, while my marriage may be a stormy ocean, or rather a tall ship marooned in the doll drums causing the shipmates to go crazy, I am moving forward with my life… partner to be dragged along behind until he either joins me or jumps ship.

I updated and submitted my resume for a position as a book keeper of sorts at a company in California. If I get the position, I will be moving at the end of September with Amelia. We will stay with my parents and she will go into Daycare.

Things out here are slowly being tied up. The play group with belong to, I am slowly removing myself from. I’m done with the useless politics anyway. It’s just a play group, not the UN. I don’t know why they make it so over dramatic!

The good news about California is i already have some friends out there, and then of course I’ll be back with my family. It’s going to be good all around. Now to just sell the Condo, which I have put in motion….

That’s about it for now… I still haven’t done my picture posts.. soon I promise…